Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
