I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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