I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sarcasm needs its own font
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
