I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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