Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
