hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
