i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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