we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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