she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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