i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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