He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't put those talents on a resume
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
