maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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