There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
