Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
