I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
