So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
