I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You can't just leave with hair like that
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
