She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
