She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
