I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
time to smoke my breakfast
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
