Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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