Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
