So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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