Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
