You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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