and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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