Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
