I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
