i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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