I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
