sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
