I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
