If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
