i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
