I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think my moral compass just broke
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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