Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
