Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
