My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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