1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
