I wanna bring you to show and tell
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
