She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
