so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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