Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
