I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
