there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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