how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
