"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
