So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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