You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
