i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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