You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His hands were made for my vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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