I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
